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A Common Question
As a Kentucky family law practitioner, I get asked this question almost weekly. There is a very common misconception that there is a specific age where a minor child can choose which parent they want to live with in a split custody case in Kentucky.
FALSE. VERY FALSE!
There Isn't One!
To be clear, there is NOT a magic age where a minor child in the State of Kentucky gets to choose where they live.
- We do not let a minor child choose if they go to school or not.
- We do not let a minor child choose to get a vaccination or not.
- We do not let a minor child choose if they wear a seat belt or not.
Why would we let them decide where (and with whom) they live?
BUT MY CHILD WANTS TO DECIDE WHERE THEY LIVE
Of course they do! Children also want to eat and drink whatever they want, make decisions on when they sleep or go to school, be in a relationship with whomever they want, and make all kinds of decisions that you as a good parent do not allow them to make.
Why, because they would not make these decisions based on their own best interest; but on how they feel or what they want right now.
IT WOULD HURT YOUR CHILD
If your child is given this decision to make, you have inadvertently hurt your child. What you have given them is not autonomy. What you have given them is not a gift. What you have given them is a decision that is far beyond their capacity to make. What you have given them is an obligation to decide something YOU as their parents were unable to make.
This is harmful to your child to even open this door for them to make this decision. All family law practitioners see this day after day. It does not come from any desire to harm your children.
A HUGE POTENTIAL FOR MANIPULATION
Think about how easy giving this choice to teenagers would make bribery in a custody action. This would unquestionably create even more incentive for parents to attempt to sway a child’s feelings towards one parent or the other. And more incentive to manipulate a child through the use of gifts and promises.
But Are My Child’s Wishes A Factor?
Yes.
Under KRS § 403.270, the family court determines custody based on the best interests of the child, considering all relevant factors. These factors include (among other things)
- the wishes of the child,
- the interaction and interrelationship with parents and siblings,
- the child’s adjustment to home, school, and community, and
- the mental and physical health of all individuals involved.
The statute explicitly states that the child’s wishes are considered, but due consideration must be given to the influence a parent or custodian may have over those wishes. The Courts will give more credence to a child’s wishes, based upon the reasons given behind those wishes, the maturity of the child, and independent judgment. Meaning a mature older child, may have more weight with the Court than an younger immature child’s wishes.
The Kentucky Court’s have been very clear that a child’s preference is NOT binding on the Court, and is only one factor among many in determining custody.
Conclusion
Do not ask your kids where they want to live, do not tell them they have the right to choose. There is no special age that minors get to choose which parent they live with. The Court’s do consider a child’s preferences, but it is part of a broader evaluation, and a child’s preference is NOT binding on the Courts determination.
Further, if the Court determines that one parent has bene attempting to influence the child’s preference’s the Court may act to reduce that parent’s custodial or timesharing rights if their behavior has been harmful to the child or the child’s relationship with he other parent.
If you would like to better understand how this decision gets made, and where a child’s preference comes into place, read more about Kentucky Shared Parenting Law.
